i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
