we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
