ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
