Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
