My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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