you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
