bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I touched a dick in church today
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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