His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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