"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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