Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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