End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
