I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I came so hard my ears popped.
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