last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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