I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
