I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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