You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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