If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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