I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
