Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i was born a porn star she said
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
