I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
