I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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