i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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