After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
