i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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