I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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