Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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