guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
