It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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