im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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