yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
