Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
