she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
