I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
