Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
