Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's shark week go big or go home
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
