whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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