"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
