please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
