But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
