im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
