i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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