btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
