i already hear my dad disowning me
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
