Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
