I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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