im drinking this country out of the recession.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
