yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
