i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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