i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
