Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
