guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
