Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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