I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
