**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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